These days I tried to be “busy reviewing” my lessons, function analysis.  I found that it is a pleasure to watch magic among math symbols, even after my college life.  However I cannot find the feeling I was doing math in 2007 or before.  Math is great, for me, till now.  However I treat math as a tool more than a life now.  I can still do math for hours, analyze the difference between equations.  But even Xbox is more attracting.  Where Is My Math?

I don’t want to blame all these interest-fading, life-changing things to education of Fudan.  At least I survived, as a whole person, with morality and pursuit.  Every place has its own limit.  These limits are not in a vain metric space, which can be measure easily.  I hope, my choice towards computer science was, is, and will be pleasing.  May a great college/university would accept me as a student, the education of which was not the same as the one of Fudan.  I want to remain interested, and hungry.

It says Zhiyu failed to go abroad cuz he was not hungry anymore, at least not for what we are chasing.  I hope I could be crazy for more.

Post written for my leaving mathematics.

It is a blog written in Chinese.

思绪很乱很杂，我各种语言又不好，没有条理请见谅。

引子

这几天事情很多，3天前林说了新加坡现在的状态，让我很无奈。2天前N说了下现在的英国状态，让我更无奈。客观上某个国家的状况会直接影响我的判断，因为我并没有想好我到底要读什么，我只是想着，只要一个比上海平静的地方，过着比民工高级的生活，享受着比屁民更好的福利，就行了。当强烈经济衰退和华人歧视摆在眼前的时候，我就会退缩，因为这些决定不是灵魂决定的，是物质取向的。

今天牛又有一篇老长的文章对数学系的抱怨。的确，三年了，我根本不知道自己要什么，也不知道自己该怎么做。N暑假在家，每天早晨5点起床，就是为了多读一本书，那么OK，我明天也5点起床好了，那么我该读哪本书呢？真的，想不出来，我该读哪本书。除了GRE和Toefl摆在眼前，我必须要背单词，除了这个，我真不知道，自己该读什么，该看什么，该学什么。

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